zbaf in words.

::zbaf in words::
ever the optimist with a penchant for pessimism
zbaf12@gmail.com::fabiantanzy@hotmail.com

Friday, July 01, 2005

exam blues

todays a thursday and this spells an upcoming weekend of more zest than my usual standards since my entry into mj.apart from the post-exam indulgence that everyone deserves,i must take a break to let loose the old me that detests mugging.

well exams are out, and everyone feels this immense liberation from all the stress and anxiety of mugging.but somehow, i cant help but have this extremely negative feeling about the whole "after exams" elation. i mean, no doubt im glad i no longer have to sit through a gruelling 21/2 hours trying to figure out ridiculously tough questions, but there's this sick feeling at the pit of my stomach that resurges everytime i think about the kind of grades that'd come out.

the exams were bad.bad beyond imagination.maybe i didnt study hard enough,but still, it was a horrifying experience sitting at yur desk and realising yu're just about as smart as the fighting fish that flares up everytime it sees its reflection.serious. so here i am,going to bitch about the freaking exams,but definitely not gonna feel any better about it thereafter. so here goes...

i think i had been quite a pain in chinese lessons, being so amazingly slow in the language.and i dont see why not. i couldnt understand the chinese paper! damnit its like a whole new language come to think about it. i didnt know what the shit the compre was harping about.it doesnt help that i randomly threw in numbers for the close passage either. i left the vocab section blank, and i sure hope i didnt interpret the compo question wrongly (after all, it was the only question i could very vaguely understand,so i wasnt left with any other options). oh and just to add, when i took the orals smwhere before the semester break, ms chen started to snigger when i read the passage,which, when translated to words would be, "why does he speak like a pre-school kid?boy,i bet my nephew can speak better chinese than that." perhaps the next time i should just tear her scalp when she mispronounces fabian again.

i crammed like shit for bio too.all the kreb's cycle and allosteric inhibiton only to attempt a paper that was beyond my intellectual capability.ok, so i wasnt exactly well prepped and i sure didnt memorize cover to cover for bio, but its my best subject!!!ohmygod.i felt crushed.but then again,what can i do?im not fantastically smart like the RJ elitists,and neither have i the mental stamina to study long hours,but at least let me feel the satisfaction of walking out of the exam hall thinking i could pass.now i worry how bad the F would be.

chem and math was just depressing,if not unimaginably oppressive. if i could get anything worse than an F for both,i WOULD.like a -Z grade and a meeting with esther lai. chem was pure faeces, with the nasty bits of undigested chow all around.haha. my only consolation's that it was shit for everyone else too (or so i think). and math, oh boy math, like what is math?someone enlighten me.haha. i swear i didnt know what the hell the questions were asking (well, at least i could figure what topic each question belonged to). i did, like part(i) of 3Dtrigo and drew the graphs for 11(b).apart from that, my script was blank.blank,perhaps flawless in fact.haha.then i went to sleep slightly before an hour was up and continued for about another hour plus..man i felt guilty,but then again.whats the point?i struggled with amath throughout my siglap days.report cards littered with F9s after F9s.only managing to clinch an E8 for prelims(and i was thrilled then.haha). how i got a B3 for Os is still a mystery and purely sheer luck(which obviously didnt last looking at my grades now).

my only faith and assurance in this semestral exams is lit. although there is this huge HUGE possibility that i probably went outta point for unseen and gothic.after all, it IS my first lit exam cuz stupid siglap does not offer lit(or triple science for that matter). and not to mention the very frantically written shakespeare essay on Lear. i did both essays very haphazardly in an hour-only to find out 10mins before the paper ended that i only had to do one!! ONE!!i felt dumb,for once-completely hopeless(cuz i cant even do lit after that insane math torture).haha. but argh heck, the papers are over now.

so yes,reality struck a really solid blow to me cuz of the exams.and i learnt something new-get used to it, yu're in mj for god's sake!! (FYI:: Jc with the highest retainee rate). and yes,also to study harder and cultivate more pimples on my once flawless countenance.hello sleepless nights.goodbye life.

2:04 PM | 1 Comment