::zbaf in words::
ever the optimist with a penchant for pessimism
zbaf12@gmail.com::fabiantanzy@hotmail.com
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

DAMNIT

what's screwed up is that i cant find my freaking passport in my own fucking home.

and now i cant register for the japan trip cus i cant get my documents in order for the administrative end to clear.wth.

damnit i hate my life and screw yu.

11:07 PM | 0 Comment

Thursday, September 21, 2006

update on muzzie's birthday

dinner at bugis then pool :D simple fare with LOADS of fun.

hope yu had a happy birthday mus!:D


thats the end of the picturelogue! :D

and those who end earlier than me for prelims, which is EVERYONE, yay! yu can start studying for yur Alevels one to two days more than me! (quote:justin) hahaha!

12:39 PM | 0 Comment

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

ishiki no nagare

some people just need to get creative dont yu think?

when i saw pseudonyms like zbag zoif znam, i laughed.haha. i didnt know i was some trendsetter!yay! *egoboost*

******************************************************

anyway jun makes the most fanfuckingtastic truffles.haha, yijun the pattisier(i learnt this word from jin ssanshun,haha!)doesnt disappoint once again!

with a chunky ball of orgasmic chocolate centre cased within a crispy (i think its puffed rice?) shell thats so subtly salted. its so insanely good yu'll have to ask jun to make some for yu too! now those truffles are really the keys to a woman!haha.

******************************************************************************

anyway i miss my saxtion so SO much, both the seniors and juniors. havent played in a band since like, joie de vivre II and god i miss playing the sax so much!

so here's a quick shoutout!

to the nsfs: lets see if sunday we can meet alrighty!the old man's birthday is coming and we havent met in a long time too(not since armstrong's concert).thanks for the plan, tim!

to the giafsncting hippo: lalala.im handing my form in tmr, i guess like what yu said this will be the only chance i have of home-staying,seeing fuku again!haha.nagoya!

to jun: one more gothic paper and yu're free!and since yu end prelims a day earlier than me,make me more truffles!haha

to slowphone: we shall go study at the airport together sometime,since we're always there but never studying together.haha. and i looked thru the old photos like yu asked and NO!yu're still the same, dont worry *hint :P

to SOME SILLY COCONUT ala armstrong: yes yu are a silly coconut for smiling like an idiot to yurself mid-lecture.anyway, 137 is falot of money for dietary supplements from cold storage. yu're one mad cat budak.haha

to chrissypoo: aiyo wanna meet up also never meet up for so long. hope things are going great in uni,with mr clinique-happy ndu guy and with the rest!and thanks for the concern :D

to the jen*,xXx,jkong,ling,isa&cliff:please study hard for promos and we'll meet up to go jalan after that,as jen* suggested okay?dinner at drive6 on fridays again!haha

*******************************************************************
and yu know what? i revised my gothic lit yesterday and woke up early this morning to read some more lit.

and after trudging to school at 730 when i totally forgot there wasnt morning assembly at 735, today jo told me that IT IS NOT GOTHIC PAPER TODAY, its paper8 instead!

haha like wth la ghreuiogairiek i lugged 5novels in my bag okay?

but luckily paper 8 is unseen,so it wasnt that bad :P

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thanks emsie for the msg :D what yu said made sense, and whatever it is, no one should blame anyone else yeah? smiles.

***********************************************

n it was zhengyi's birthday last friday,along with yosua's so here's to a BIG 18th righteous! hope yu liked the surprise :D


and here's the birthday kiss pok had to give him! c'mon la cranberrae dont act shy okay? we all know yu do more than just kiss him when yu think no one's looking,haha.

see how zhengyi nods(in approval) after he gets a kiss and how his gf runs away after that?haha, its so cute.

************************************************************

last of all, its muslim's birthday today so HAPPY 19th dude.

thanks for everything the past yearhalf, it wouldnt have been the same without yu as our beacon president.haha.

by the time yu see this yu'd be smiling at the surprise planned already so best wishes alright bro? takecare and have a fucking whacked out time :D

here're last year's birthday pics. the sc shot, and the one in the toilet, with sanitary pads as peace offerings.haha
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2:43 PM | 0 Comment

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

"nothing comes out of nothing"

it left me pondering about my own issues today...

edit:

things happen for a reason, or do they happen because of a reason?

ever felt like yu were stuck at a crossroad and yu dont know which way yu should go, or what yu should do?

i think right now i prefer just standing right where i am and not take any path or make any decision.although things arent great, i'd keep to the status quo and let things run its course.

things happened because of a reason, whether they happen for a reason,time will tell.

an epiphany dawned,as i was listening to the songs in my playlist.

i realise yu cant run away from yur emotions,and as of late,these feelings have been returning incessantly. but i wont do anything about it.i cant.

i need chocolates now.damn those fucking chocolates

8:19 PM | 0 Comment

read this, cus i TRULY AM SORRY

i know i shouldnt have faltered, or doubted yu in any sense.

and though id continue to try explaining, the anger seem to have shut my words off from yur ears. it was a misunderstanding, and in that moment,i know i crossed the line. sorry.

honey i never meant to hurt yu, or not trust yu, when all i ever wanted out of a relationship was trust.

and i dont wanna take sides, cus yu mean the world to me, yet they're an important part of my life as well.

aye.

im sorry.

happy 11th month, dear.

12:40 AM | 0 Comment

Monday, September 18, 2006

tagreplies

yes =), i do(used to) reply on my tagboard. but its just that im too lazy to reply one by one and take up tagspace.

but anyway, i'll reply all the tags i can see on my tagboard now!

stef, cAm, min:
:D:D:D:D:D
yu know how i feel, i dont have to wordilize it.haha

willie:
haha,yes i know its so nice right? *acts coy*
and thanks for the luck man, i SO need it.
teach me jap after my A's alright?can supplement the classes i'll sign up for (: and i'll have yet another person to practice jap with!haha ki o tsukete!

________:
i always found it amazing how a person can have feelings for someone over sucha a long period of time, especially at this age. 3years have been a long time, im flattered (:
but do feel better and hope yu meet yur true love soon okay?take care.

ziqing:
yeah miss having yu around too little junior! endyear exams coming soon so study hard okay?we will meet up soon, as promised donno how many mths ago but still havent fulfilled it.haha. takecare in the meantime! :D

cAm:
again what?? and haha, friday's coming man sister! exciting anot?heh

jun:
i dont believe i've seen yur ic,but i have seen yur ugly ezlink card!haha.show me the next time round in sch okay? and not too late what, alot of people only started watching when channel u screened it recently too! :P

azlyn:
thanks! i know i look like a convict, but at least i dont look like the fat FUGLY ball of lard i was in p6 in my oooold ezlinkcard. this is already ALOT better.
i dont know abt yu, but i cant take proper passport photos :( haha

james:
haha OF COURSE i'll go back for band after my A's.i still go back to siglap and maha bodhi for band also la can.haha.
study hard for yur promos and takecare junior!

i've got a crush:
thanks :D its always nice to hear compliments isnt it?heh
good luck for yur exams too (:

andrea:
sure no prob! n i've already booked 27th november tentatively cus thát'll be the first time im seeing yu in ages again! :D
anyway hope everythings going great in aussie and good luck for yur pregnancy assesment thingy this week!

feli:
thanks alot fel! meet up soon alright? (: maybe during raya when the rest goes visiting? but till then, takecare!

kang:
dont be too happy yet, if matilda could've been kicked out so early, hady might not be singapore idol also.
but choy! choy! i'll be voting and lets hope he does siglap proud! (: keep voting too!

chin:
yeah RUB IT IN somemore ambrose!hahahaha. i find that name so funny!sorry :P
and thanks for the luck!study hard too! n will meet up with the whole clique after my prelims alright?promise :D

ryu:
what's lerskates? and good luck for the rest of prelims dude! gambette!

layhoon:
girl ah i changed it a long time ago, yet yu still can rmb how ugly i looked.sigh...
if i could erase ALL the pictures from my past i would!esp the p school years!:P
n study hard now, O's coming already! jiayou!

jen*:
thanks for the luck! and yeah will go jalan as saxtion after prelims k?maybe sooks the hibernating hippo will finally step out to be human again and enjoy human company, not books.
but after yur promos la alright? 2 weeks more, chiong like mad! :D

Kat:
thanks kat!yeah will meet up after tt alright? hope yu're doing fine and takecare of yurself too!

Aaron:
dont fret, just ignore the spammers alright?
anyway, sounds like yu're having fun in poly,maybe its a good thing yu didnt stya in mj.haha.
and i'll make mu organise a sargas outing after promos and A's. takecare!

alright, back to bio memory and regurgitation.
4days more to the end of prelims. study!

11:15 PM | 0 Comment

Saturday, September 16, 2006

=flamers

some people just dont have the guts to to take responsibilty of what they do no?

if yu're gonna flame a blog, why dont yu leave a name? really, when yu're hurling baseless insults and accusations at another person without an identity yu're really just exemplifying what coward and hypocrite means.

whats worse is if the flamer himself hates flamers on his own blog, and yet is doing the same thing he detests. tsk. stooping so low?

so going by what i always do, just ignore flamers. if they've got no one responding they'd lose interest in spamming after awhile. and if they dont relent?the numerous insults would all point back to show what a fucking stupid fool he's making out of himself. haha.

anyway, to those who've been spammed?just laugh and really, no point letting these stupid tags annoy yu =)

8:15 PM | 2 Comment

Thursday, September 14, 2006

the funny thing about math is how it can make me feel a whole spectrum of emotions. anxiety, then total delirium =)

last night i didnt sleep well cus i was feeling this ridiculous nervous attack i dont usually feel for math papers. and when i finally did get a peace of mind and catch some sleep, i had this horrible horrible dream..

i woke up at 3pm -completely missing my morning lit paper (ahh!!)- an hour after math paper started!! fuck of course i panicked n when i finally got to school i saw like, 2 rows of tables in front of the flagpoles taking the exams, for all the latecomers!haha

and i head to outside the general office where the security guards sit, which had canteen tables arranged in rows for other students. and i saw the people in my "special math class" sitting there attempting the paper already.

(a little context here: because math students like me are pathetically lousy in arithmetic and are probablytailored for greater things than numbers, the math dept in mj has this special class in the container classrooms for tutors to teach us math-made-easy while the rest of the 700plus students are having lectures in the LTs.cool eh?haha)

ah how weird can dreams get? very, im thinking, judging by the one i just had last night.heh.

anyway i didnt miss my paper, n lit was horrible today, i didnt study (sorry ms k!).. but that doesnt matter cus im too overwhelmed by the math paper! for the first time in 2 years, i actually think i have a shot of breaking past the single digit boundary!!!hahaha! yu know what the fuck that means? it means there's hope for me!haha

since i stepped into mj i havent passed a single freaking math test! and im always hovering below the 10-digit mark! i got 3 for midyears last year, 5 for block tests in march n 6.5 for midyears 2mths ago.and when i finally could pass a math test this year my phone had to ring in lecture, and tadaa!ZERO!haha.

but im quite positive today's paper will change all that =) so for all those out there who hate math as much as me (im sure there are falot), dont fret. miracles do happen =)

on a totally different tangent, ryu was making me laugh so hard just now when he sent me these little voice clips that are so terribly amusing. its like, he records his voice and sends it over, and i click play i hear him say "hi fabian tan!" and "yo fabian shao ye" and singing along to stupid busted songs, and also the college anthem when i requested.haha!

it was good up until he started impersonating FCW, which was quasi-amusing, quasi-freaky. ryu yu very cute la, but stop recording yur own voice and being narcissistic listening to them over and over!haha. anyway people, go visit ryu's clog okay!

and on singapore idol. i voted thrice for hady just now cus only the best has fans even in people who have no time for reality competitions (read:A level students). and also cus im rooting for the siglapian right!haha.

anyway, when the annoying twohill finally got out last week there was this freaking cryfest on national television. wth. all the minahs and stupid girls cry cry CRY FOR WHAT!
or yur father die ah? mother kena breast cancer is it?!

just some poseur-i-can-sing-in-pitch-and flip-my-hair-but-aint-fantastic contestant got booted out, so what? cry like as if yu lost yur fake von-dutch wallet + 5million neoprints like that. yeuch.

*sob sob* he knows he can sing and i believe he will continue doing what he loves.. *tears*

omfg i wanna puke already.stfu la okay? *barfs*

and another random. thanks dear for staying over yest to help me with math =) it made the biggest difference! if i really break the single-digit barrier i'll do 10 things off yur list for yu k?haha.

alright, back to the mugathon already!there's stats on monday!

and last episode of jin sanshun for me :( omg im like such an aunty keep watching korean dramas (first da changjin, and now jin sanshun) but its okay, the shows are worth watching! sanshun is like the cutest woman alive la!

right.. i was kidding.haha.
cute in a gross manner la. the way she dances is DISGUSTING!the way she sings makes yu feel like tearing yur ears out!the way she acts demure and shy makes yur hair stand!haha.
she's so unglam, so crude, so violent yu're like grossed out.

but yet on the other hand she's this frail emotional 30yr old woman who's been thru alot, endured emotional turmoil and braved many storms, and thats what endears me to her!haha. so channel u at 10! (:

i'll continue mugging after 11, and yes i promise yu andrea i'll marathon jin sanshun with yu when yu're back from aussie alright?heh

and yeah, i wanna go cut mohawk after prelims. comments? =)




k toodles people! ki o tsukete! and listen to aguilera's new album. love it!

6:43 PM | 0 Comment

Monday, September 11, 2006

i have absolutely nothing to blog about right now,
my brain's all mush and recitations.
tracheids. ornithine cycle. loops of henle.myoglobin n haemoglobin.

i'd like to think ive been studying all week, but that'd only be a guise cus hell i went out ALOt. guilt-ridden but did absolutely nothing about it,heh.

speaking of which, the airport's a mini-meridian all having a mug-fest i swear.someone bomb the place!and mj will lose half their candidature for the exams, along with the stupid delegates and participants of the imf-world bank meetings.unleash hell!id be amused (:

and here's to our 911 tragedy anniversary. lets crash the petronas towers to celebrate?yay.
anyway,i lost my stupid wallet whilst playing parapara for the first time(and last) because ultra_high_heels wanted to play.haha.and yay!i got my 5th ez link card made today.im back to 45cents bus/trainrides! dont yu think i look like a convict?the woman working at whitesands photoshop felt so!haha

here's yur photo, shiqi!poor kids, lucky i stepped down already, and didnt have to sweep the floor/clear up the mess after tday celebrations. testament? dustpan+broom


another random! please go and study ah idiot lazy mereith.

there's absolutely no way nina's gonna sit beside yu during promos and let yu copy her answers!

and a parting shot for good luck tmr?haha. pic with ms lai and the ics guys (: lets hope some wisdom enters the head of this unprepared procrastinator! the close proximity might've diffused some over!haha


ps:

feel better arms,we're all here (:

to my bestfriend.im sory i missed yur bday.but as promised,gimme 2weeks alright?

to sarah,NO MORE TV.study now k dear?smiles

GOOD LUCK FOR PRELIMS GUYS!

gambette!

2:06 PM | 1 Comment

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

reminisces






thats what yu get when yu have a macbook as cool as stef's =)
we laughed so hard, so loud, so uncontrollably that people started staring!



phototheraphy aside..







i've always believed that the true test of the friendships i have is after i graduate, or when i actually have to constantly make effort to meetup and catchup, and not take for granted that yu know, hey, i'll see them in school anyway.

thru my years i've seen many relationships i've had with others prosper, as well as diminish to distance to become mere acquaintances. but there's this particular group, the people whom i've known the longest, and each one of them i hold dear to my heart. this one's for yu, yu guys =)

the past few days have been of nostalgia and things past, having met up with these oldest friends i've had since psch.as always, dinner conversations will inevitably involve the days bavck in mbs band- jovial, carefree,simple (not forgetting fat and chubby!haha). those days were seriosuly, god, i dont know, perfect. it was some sorta utopia and reminiscing the time we spent "growing up" together only brought back smiles. serious =)

but what i really love about these angels, is not that conversation can be so effortless, or that i feel so at home and comfortable around them.

thing is, our perceptions of each other are so ingrained that not even the most stupefying, shocking, unexpected truth that we newly discover about another person will even change the friendship in any way. i mean, so what if my habits have changed, or that i fucking smoke or smth.does it matter?

no it doesnt. after ten years of friendship, these little things dont matter anymore. these are the people who dont judge me, but instead, accept me for who i am. these are the people i would trust my life with, and not feel that twitchy insecurity that they might do smth untoward to me. now man thats a friendship i cant live without.

there're no inhibitions when it comes to confiding in them smth that i would think thrice and ponder a dozen times over before even telling my friends in college. i know that no matter what happens they wont look at me thru different lenses,and the perception of me remains the same. =)

these are the friends that have remained true,and who've made such a great difference in my life, people that have started the mould for me to become who i am today.the people i can turn to,time regardless, for anything, and i know i wouldnt be disappointed. people who truly care,who truly love yu, and who truly are sincere about the friendship.

and as stef said, if this was never mentioned, i wouldnt have even realised how close they are to me. the ones who really know yur famiy, been to yur place, the few whom yu'd have hardly any secrets kept from them. there's no pretence, no polite dinners, no painful discussions. man i do love yu guys so much.

over the past few days i've been talking to stef quite alot, and we just hit it off.even though the last proper conversation we had was months ago at the very least. i mean, man, we were on the same page, had the same frequency, and i could almost fill in the blanks and complete her sentences.

perhaps its because we've shared similar experiences, and that our personailties are more similar.anyhow thanks alot stef,for reminding me of that boy i once knew so well, and whom i nearly lost in the complexity if everything around me right now. we've got to make up for lost time alright?and as yu said, after my As.thanks sweets.

as for cam.here's one to yu, for always being there for me, and for always standing on my side no matter what happened. how our conversations can stretch over hours and how yu can make me feel so much better with what yu say is smth i wouldnt replace man.to my nonsensical,logical,long-winded yet to the point sis,thank yu =)

and by far i've drifted the most from min, who've weathered more storms than i would've imagined.sorry for not being there as i should've been, and for being too busy to even know what was going on in yur life. nonetheless, things will change, as soon as my exams are out, after all, we've seen thru nearly a decade in this friendship right? smiles. takegoodcare and as for that story?i wanna hear it. as for the friendship, thanks dear =)

ah, im feeling nostalgia, euphoria, and whatever other positve emotions one can pssibly feel all at once.the past week was really just a gift la. *smile!*

and what i've just said isnt discounting the friendships i have with other people right now. i've got good friends all around, from siglap,meridian, where ever.. but its just that there're still inhibitions, hesitations, insecurities when yu're around people yu know but dont know that well. especially or someone who's been betrayed and backstabbed, trust just isnt a free membership la..

but lets no go there today, im still in a happy mood, and do have time for some photos.haha. here's to the 4 of us! love.



dinner at newyorknewyork on tuesday =)

and we got the comfy seats!

stef and i =)

in the mbs band room =) (pity min had work).

stef and i are wearing our primary sch band tee, which STILL FREAKING FITS! how cool is that?im not fat!haha

tell me, where to find 50cent wanton mee!



this dude's been outside the general office since i remember! miss yu!haha.

2:12 AM | 0 Comment

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