zbaf in words.

::zbaf in words::
ever the optimist with a penchant for pessimism
zbaf12@gmail.com::fabiantanzy@hotmail.com

Monday, July 04, 2005

..lovevol..

maybe its because im lazy or something of that sort, cuz i feel that i need to blog more consistently and not actually clump a couple days worth of energized fun into one entry, cuz then it'll be really lengthy and might become a boring read...but ah heck.thats me eh.

anyway im not gonna blog alot now, cuz as it is im already terribly late for the council outing at eastcoast but this i cant miss.really.this is huge in fact. well, right now i cant even stop smiling.and im smiling so widely i actually look stupid. no names mentioned, but yeah..this is something to pop the champagne for!!!

well, ok so i know this two people who are yu know, really adorable and sweet and nice and all.and now, im just so happy cuz finally the guy managed to come forward and profess how he feels and i think thats really really sweet.it may not be to yu, but then again, they are both relatively close to me and i cant help but feel extremely happy for them **(i think i may be even happier.haha)** well im just glad that things turned out this way.a new couple in the making.*grins widely* and i wish yu guys all the best alryt? (psst,cuz i know yu'll read this)

but this whole issue about relationships and love, yes, seeing their love grow(and hopefully blossom eventually) has made me feel somewhat, kinda hopeful.cuz after all the experiences i've had, most recently one that has left many painful memories, i sorta gave up on relationships (not forever,just right now) and decided to immerse myself amongst my friends and school. yu know, just busy myself and not give space to think about the ""affairs of the heart". but looking at the two of them with their growing relationship, i realised that all this while i've been living in my own void, denying what is reality and running away from what is fundamentally the essence that makes up my purpose of my existence - my emotions. yes, i realised that i've been avoiding all my emotions and trying to live in denial, which probably is one of the reasons why i have been feeling so empty all this while.

cuz all this while i missed yu and yeah, a part of yu is still in me..all this while i was resisting anything new in my life, cuz i couldnt get over yu, but at the same time, i knew that it was over between us.

all this while i have been living in a world where i thought, perhaps, if i ran away it wouldnt be as painful as it is.but apparently not, everywhere i go memories resurface and the past just comes rushing back so fast yu feel a sudden spectrum of emotions - negative. the misery and all the ifs. but all these negative things come back with all the most beautiful memories that we've created.

but somehow i realise that we cant revert the things that've happened, the mistakes we made, and most of all relive the times we shared. so i bid my farewell to this beautiful and wonderful set of memories that we've created and closed, as i take away this dejected feeling and lost affection and put back that smile i had 10minutes ago.

yes, back to where i was. i wish yu guys,both of yu wonderful amazing friends, all the best as yu create yur own set of beautiful memories which im pretty sure will last a long time (as i told yu ______, i have a good feeling about this.haha). and to my own, i say a perenial goodbye, much as i dont want to. life has to move on after all. :))

12:41 AM | 0 Comment