zbaf in words.

::zbaf in words::
ever the optimist with a penchant for pessimism
zbaf12@gmail.com::fabiantanzy@hotmail.com

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

finally trudged through the last week and alas,midyears ended today.what a bloody dreadful period the blasted exams was,eurgh. but now its done and as always, im dreading the post mortems even more than anything else.

simply because.. knowing full well how teachers can make yu feel like yu're some human wasteland with a completely screwed future, if the future was there to begin with, of course. why but its just their reality check for us, after all WE came into college because WE wanted to get a good Alevel cert and as such WE need to work hard and no one but ourselves can help save our own asses, right? ah yada yada, all that crap that makes yu feel like why-the-fuck-are-yu-even-sitting-for-alevels? as if the to-be pathetic results need anymore rubbing in.

speaking of which i remember getting called up into ms lai's office.now trust me, what the seniors, and the seniors before them say abt the visits to the office is true. yu go in apprehensive, heart-thumping nervous and all, and come out feeling like yu've got an IQ below 70, seemingly doomed to be a toilet-cleaning ah-pek for the rest of yur life, and most if not all come out teary eyed,exterior all dismantled into nothingness. yes ms lai puts it in perspective for yu, and it certainly was a rude awakening after the block tests for me.

but somehow, it just doesnt get in does it? come june and there i was being overly committed to my non-academic life - alumni band,catching up sessions, holidaying and of course, lazing - and put mugging once again in the back seat (in due time, find my name flooring the cohort on subject boards for proof,haha ).

yes it just doesnt get in, such words of caution being somehow too elusive for the brain. i guess we all learn it the hard way, cuz i certainly think i did.

im sick of feeling the wrenching fear that grips yu the day before the paper, the mental blocks 2 hours to the exam,making any last minute revision a near-impossible feat, and the feeling of utter and complete failure and incompetence whilst attempting -if with any success at all- the paper i could have studied for. i guess that's my rude awakening that'll stay.

the pressure compressing and pestering yu all the time, stemming from the realism of the impending As. (its not so far anymore ): )

so here i give yu the full authority and right to slap me awake should i ever fail to keep myself in check, and sucumb to the evils of complacency and procrastination once again. i need that jab of discipline, really.haha.

here's to working hard for the As, full steam ahead and jiayou alright?

study hard guys =)

9:35 PM | 0 Comment